Tell me the news

Klyde Cheerman the cheer-up robot asked his smart speaker for the news.  

He said "Smart Speaker,  tell me the news".  

The Smart Speaker said "Breaking news, Klyde Cheerman is a cheap Skate so his internet is too slow to stream the news". 

Klyde Looks for Jokes

Klyde Cheerman the Cheer-up robot was looking for jokes so he could cheer everyone up. 

Here are some of the jokes he found:

A guy was pickpocketing in a carehome elevator, he was immoral on different levels. 

Two conjoined twins were asked to give their friends a hi5, they clapped their hands. 

A guy was doing his grocery shopping online, he realized they sell engine oil for his car. When he put the oil in, his car went "woooof pooof pooof bang" , it turns out they sold out of the oil and substituted with sunflower oil. (He should check the label first) 

A guy ordered cooking oil online. When he fried his chips and ate them his arse went "pooof caboosh swish wooosh wooooosh", they sold out of sunflower oil and substituted it for 15w40 semi synthetic Motor oil instead. (He should check the label) 

A sat nav sent a car into the ocean, the destination was set to whales. 

A holiday maker asked for a refund, they went to Newquay, it was old. 

Every day in every way I use more soap to wash my face, especially on the forehead. 

Klyde at BHF

Klyde Cheerman the Cheer-up robot thought he would have a look at the British Heart Foundation Charity Shop, a shop full of second hand furniture. The British heart Foundation were trying to raise money to help discover cures for heart diseases. 

Klyde likes British hearts. 

Klyde was inspired to colour in his chrome heart on his chest to look more heart like. (and to make him look less like a generic robot cartoon character). 

klyde was wondering where they get all that furniture from. 

Posh Mountain Water

Klyde Cheerman the cheer-up robot offered his friend a glass of tap water. His friend said he doesn't drink tap water, he drinks 'Posh Mountain Water'. 

New Job

Klyde Cheerman the cheer-up robot got a new job. To write instructions on walls. To get the job he needed to be fluent in several languages, he was. 

On the first day of the job he was asked to write 'this way' in French on the wall. 

So he wrote 'This way in French'. 

knowledge is power

Klyde Cheerman the cheer-up robot was watching TV. There was a TV show about a corruption investigation. 

"We need to know the truth, knowledge is power" says the journalist. 

klyde Cheerman thought to himself that British Gas must know a lot. He thought the national grid must have a lot of books. 

Name origins

Klyde Cheerman the cheer-up robot was chatting on his computer to some humans. He was asking them what their names mean. 

Klyde: Why are you called Brooklyn?

Brooklyn:  Because I was conceived in Brooklyn. 

Klyde: Chelsea, what about you? Why are you called Chelsea. 

Chelsea: Because I was born in Chelsea. 

Klyde:  So Paul, why are you called Paul. 

Paul:  My middle name is Out  because my Dad didn't Pull out in time. So my name is Paul Out Mcquick. 

Klyde: Oh ok.