Donald trump

Donald trump found two companies to pay for his wall, the Mexican ladder and Mexican rope corporation.

Murder

A man made wheat into bullets and shot someone dead.

He is a cereal killer.

Paul joke

A guy called Paul had a flu, he will pull through.

Werewolf joke

What do you call a German Werewolf?

Wolfgang

Tattoo Joke

Some guys tried to get me to Tattoo my face.

They can beg my till their blue in the face i won't do it.  

Bob Marley

How did Bob Marley like his donuts?

With Jam in.

Drug joke

The police received a call the man said I am having a problem with my local dealer. He gave me only 2/3 of the product for £50

The police said, "what did he sell you"?

The man said "Cocaine".

Sitting joke

What football team do you support if you sit down for too long and can't feel your bottom?

Arsenal.

Windows

A friend's computer stopped working so I asked what version of windows they use.

He replied..

Double Glazing

Mechanic

What do you call a female mechanic?

.....

Carly

Special signal

A man plays some rock music backwards to get a message from Satan.

It goes, "kill yourself you are useless kill yourself".

The man shouts, "is that Satan"?

The voice says, "no It's your mum shouting through the keyhole".

Vampire joke

Why did the vampire die? Because he caught HIV virus